Mark's Musings

A miscellany of thoughts and opinions from an unimportant small town politician and bit-part web developer

The London Olympic Games And Paralympic Games Security, Control And Marketing Regulations

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Someone asked a question on Usenet:

Supposing the Army wanted to station missiles on my roof to shoot down Olympic miscreants, what powers and legislation would they be relying on to enable them to do this? How might I stop them?

The London Olympic Games And Paralympic Games Security, Control And Marketing Regulations 2009 gives the government the right to station missiles on any property in order to shoot down any skywriting plane which might attempt to display a logo or phrase which contains the words “Olympic”, “London” or “games” anywhere in the UK without permission. It further authorises the police to confiscate and consume any breakfast described as “Olympic”, as well as prohibiting the broadcast or screening of any films or TV programmes featuring Olympic class ships. Aircraft bearing the name “Olympic” will be barred from UK airspace, and google.co.uk (but not google.com or other localised variants) is required to blank out the area of Washington State, USA found at http://g.co/maps/jd5kz.

The legislation also forbids telephones to be answered after exactly five rings – they must either be answered by or after the fourth ring or allowed to ring at least six times. Jellies are not permitted to get set. Websites may not use the colours #FFD700, #C0C0C0 or #CD7F32. Summer in London is also prohibited by law, although the Met Office long range forecast suggests that this, as usual, is likely to prove unnecessary.

Warning: the above may contain traces of irony.

You might also want to take a look at the Olympic Visa Boycott.